Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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