This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
