so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
