We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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