Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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