I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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