Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
soo... how was my night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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