Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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