Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
