haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She said her name was "party"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
