Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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