Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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