Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
