I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she told me i tasted like america
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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