Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's great music for shaving your balls
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
