in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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