would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
