super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He felt like a one man threesome
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
