this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
