I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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