Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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