i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
