Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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