I wish you could order shots online.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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