He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
