It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
