I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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