You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
