I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
