I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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