Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
