he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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