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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
