'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
