shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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