Sponge bath it is.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
