its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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