Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
