when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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