what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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