I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
