quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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