Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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