I will die if light touches me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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