i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
