Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
