My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
