I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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