My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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