you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
