Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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