dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
