Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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