i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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