I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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