My hand turned me down
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
