Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
