just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
