For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
