idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
