Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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