12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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