Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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