If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need moral support for this bender
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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