she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
