Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
