my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
