those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
