FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
