THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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