Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
