are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
