Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
