maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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