I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
